I’m Not That Important

Posted by admin on May 25th, 2009 | 2 Comments »

At 10,080 vertical feet sits the ghost town of “Independance.”  Wedged between the high life of Aspen to it’s west and the beautiful town of Twin Lakes to it’s east, “Independance” was an old gold mining town…literally in the middle of the wilderness.  The town was discovered and eventually serviced by the very narrow, now only open about 4-5 months a year cause of the danger of driving it in the snow, “Independance Pass” highway.

This highway stretches well over 60 miles of insanely narrow twists and turns, sometimes without a gaurdrail to prevent you and your vehicle from plumitting thousands of feet below you.  I imagine tht that those who lived in the town of Independance arrived by horse and buggy…and had very little choice but to stay awhile.

Though I moved to Aspen in november to scratch my ski itch and re-evaluate somethings in my life, I have enjoyed exploring some of the unreachable reaches of the Rockies that, because of the spring melt, have now become reachable.  “Independence” is one such place.

As you can see from the above photo, there are still some miners cabins left in the ghost town.  Exploring this town, literally in the middle of the wilderness, and thinking about the people that must have lived here…wondering if familys and kids had to weather the intense mountain winters at such high elevation, it made me think about how much importance I place on myself in my life.

If there is one burden that I seem to be carrying in my life, it is the burden of self importance.  I think it’s natural for all infants to desire, unconscioulsy that the world revolve around them.  They know nothing except their needs in the moment…food, water, love from mother and father, attention, affection, and needing it NOW.  In addition to this, because they are infants, and don’t learn the ways of the world, their equation of love is much different than a healthy adult.  A new born baby, no fault on it’s own, knows love only as being the center of it’s caretakers world.  This, if a child is raised healthily will begin to evolve into a healthier idea of love…but in 99% of humans, myself included, there still remain parts of us that haven’t yet had a chance to evolve.

All the people who lived in Indepence are all dead.  Obviously.  Nobody knows their name, most people in the world, don’t even know that a town like that existed.  The fullness of up to 1,500 peoples lives is embedded in the silence of the mountains, and in the writings of archealogists.  It doesn’t extend beyond that.  And yet, Independence is really a micro-cosm of our world and our lives.

When we are children we fantasize about being super-heros, or sports stars, movie stars or famous singers and dancers.  Some might fantasize about being president, or some kind of political or culteral leader.  As we grow our perversions are circumscribed about being the best in our chosen field of an elementary nature…the best at basketball in our 5th grade class, the president of student counsil in middle school, class president, prom queen etc. These accomplishments, are, like our newborn nature, at the epicenter of our universe.  Fundamental for development yes, but again, signposts for the egotism of our culture and our lives.

No 4 year old child fantasizes about growing up, becoming a successful lawyer in a well-to-do law firm in Indiana, make 250 thousand dollars a year and have a family.  As we grow older, either the neccesities of the world, or our psychological evolution begs us to let go of our fantasies of public success and move more towards the realities of the “real world.”

However, for most, our self-importance plays out in more subtle ways.  Our obsession with celebrities is perhaps the most key way that we are all obessesed with ourselves.  Fame is the biggest culural signpost that we are all terrified of dying.  We actually believe to some degree that famous people don’t die.  Their “legacy” lives on.  We strive to be famous, to leave our mark in whatever way we can because we don’t want to face the fact that ultimately, we are as unimportant as the moss that gross, or the moths that fly into the flame.  On a personal level, as an artist I actually believe that if I “make it” then I will indeed have “made it.”  Beaten God so to speak…I’ll last forever.  But in reality I would only be, on a larger scale, the Friday evening entertainment in one of the three saloons in the small mining town of Independance.

So what’s the point?  If life is empty and I am an equal to the slug that slugs or the hawk that hawks, what’s the point.  Why not just think that “life’s a bitch and then you die so fuck the world and let’s get high?”

Well… because in my experience, when I let go of “myself” so to speak…I serve the “One.”  When I let go of my self importance, and my egotism and need to feel special and be idolized and thought great…I am actually FAR more able to be creative and serve others with the specific gifts that I have to give in the world.  When I forget myself, I am liberated.  As an artist, when I write and I know that the song I am writing is just like a shit I am taking…and as soon as I am done taking that shit, I will move onto the next one…my songs, my performances, my everything is shrouded in the light of true creation…and thus, who I am being int he world is a gift to others…enhances the mystery of their lives, blooms open the world with more of the Love that is the essence of this mystery.   And in this way, emptiness serves me.  Emptiness sets me free from myself and because of emptiness I can truly be my SELF.  And when I am being my SELF, I can make a difference for others.  I can “change the world” so to speak.  Nobody can make a difference if they are doing it from the sole place of being important.  All great leaders lead from a place of already being dead.

And so I do my best to find the most amount of gold in my little mining town of independance.  Regardless of whether I am remembered for it.