Chapter 7: I’m Afraid of My Audience

Posted by admin on March 12th, 2010 | 2 Comments »

I had a gig last Friday and showed up to a venue packed full of people.  I didn’t expect it to be so packed, because a lot of bars in NYC require the artist to bring in their own clientele but this bar was different.  It was packed and there was no music on and Arthur and I were scheduled to start and 9 pm.

We walk onto a very small stage and set up our gear.  The packed room, all enjoying their food, conversation and beer took notice but didn’t offer any sign that live music would be welcomed in any way.

We began our set playing a song that most people would know; a cover of Human by the Killers.  We do our version slow and bluesy, not like the original.  I could feel that most of the room was not unhappy with the added sound, some were indeed quite happy, and a couple did give me the “I wish you hadn’t showed up here” stare.

I knew that my job was to convert the strangers in the room who had never heard me before into fans by connecting with them on an emotional level; by creating moments in the music that would help them feel something deep or profound and make them want to hear me again.  I might have done this with a couple people, but in truth I found it very hard to emotionally connect because of my own fearfulness.  Again, I was reminded how much work I need to do as a performer.

I’ve spent the last 10 years becoming a guitar player, a songwriter and singer, but haven’t focused on what it takes to be an exceptional performer because I thought they were the same thing.  The are not. As soon as I step on stage and am present to other people all that other stuff goes out the window.  I know that what will connect with others is vulnerability, passion, and heartfelt storytelling and yet those are the things that scare me most.  Being vulnerable for strangers, giving them my heart and showing them my passion? It’s my gift to give them, and yet I surprise myself by how scared I am to give it.

So my first step to fixing this problem is I invested some money into a 7 DVD set by Tom Jackson, a world famous performance coach.  I’m very excited to see what I learn from him and will dive in head first.  I will not be the same performer a month or two  from now.  I am a fast learner and I practice my ass off everyday so a month or two from now I will melt your face off.

In other news, the PR company I’m working with helped me come up with a “15 second” pitch to descibe my music.  The point is to be able to give strangers a glimpse into the world of my music in 15 seconds or less that helps them understand it, and also intrigues them enough to want to listen more.

We came up with “Fiercely Playful Soul.”

You like it?

Chapter 3: “I Wanted to See You Smile”

Posted by admin on February 26th, 2010 | No Comments »

“I wanted to see you smile.”

That’s what my friend said to me after my gig this past Wednesday.  It was my first gig in a couple months and I was nervous for a number of reasons, and apparently I didn’t smile onstage.

Here is why I was nervous:

1) It was my first gig with my new friend Arthur, a truly remarkable bassist and music business veteran.  He said to me before the gig that we had not rehearsed enough (we had played together twice) and suggested I play the stint solo so that we could have more time to practice before getting in front of an audience.  I asked him to play anyway, saying it would be fun, loose and casual.  He is a nice guy so he acquiesced even though he knew that it would be sub-par.  He was right.  In my next post I will discuss what I learned regarding my attitude to things being “fun, loose and casual,” but more on that later.

2) I was nervous because the venue, a college dive-bar in the west village booked me on the basis that I would bring 15 people to the gig because they didn’t have a built in crowd.  Give or take, I had around that many people confirm with me beforehand, and almost all of them canceled last minute.  Showing up “empty handed” so to speak was relatively embarrassing and added to my anxiety.

So why didn’t I smile? My friend said he wanted to see me smile, he wanted to feel me more and that the few times I got into it were the best parts of the show.  I was playing music, my favorite thing to do on the planet and I didn’t allow myself to open up because I had convinced myself that in order to protect myself from “looking bad” or “being embarrassed”  by the small turnout, I had to just “play it cool.”  The bullshit I made up in my head was that if I was to really get into it for an audience of just 5 people at a dirty bar then I would look like a loser, AND I would make my 5 friends uncomfortable.  In reality, I deprived my true gifts from the people who wanted to come to see me at my best and missed an opportunity to show the strangers that were there how truly powerful my music can be, like it or not.

In the war against my Ego and my Highest Self, unfortunately my sheepish ego got the best of me this time.  This won’t last for long though.  I promise.

Zach