Chapter 10: What I’m Learning from Tom Jackson

Posted by admin on March 23rd, 2010 | 1 Comment »

Tom Jackson separates the reason that we (musicians and music lovers) do music into 4 “M’s.”

The Music       The Message       The Money       The Me

I’m going to talk about the “Me” because I’ve always had an issue with the “me.” A part of me has always felt like it’s self indulgent to be a musician or an artist. Like “who am I to think that I can/should/deserve to do this?” Anybody else ever feel like that?

Well, what Tom said is that the “me” could either one of two things. The first “me” is the “ME…” the look at “ME.” The “ME is performing so clap for ME.” We all hate this “me,” and this is not the “me” that he speaks about. The “me” that he speaks about is the “me” that has always known, that has always felt that I am here to do this…that my love for music is so deep it must be my calling and in order to honor the gifts that I was given by the Universe, or God if you don’t have a problem with that word, then I have to DO SOMETHING about it!

I used to think that I was selfish for thinking that I could be a world-renowned musician because I thought that everybody’s dream was to be some kind of performer if they really could choose anything. Wrong.

When lived in Colorado, I met a guy who told me his dream in life was to climb the 7 highest peaks in the world, and that he had already tackled 4 of them, K2 included. I thought about the fact that this dream was the apotheosis of what he thought was dream worthy…his ultimate goal in life, to climb all 7 peaks.

Now, I would never want to do that. I have absolutely no interest whatsoever in mountain climbing. Skiing down a mountain, yes please. Climbing up a mountain. No fucking way.

My point is obvious: not everyone dreams about the same thing so maybe there’s a reason for why we have certain dreams, desires or callings in life: because that’s what we are supposed to do! We dream about it, yearn for it, desire it because we are supposed to have it!  Me! Me me me me me is supposed to be doing this because that’s what fulfills my hear the most!  And the truth is is that if I didn’t do my hearts calling, I would be cheating God so to speak, or cheating my life; turning my back on that which gives me the most fire and most fulfillment.

So thank you Tom Jackson for reminding me of “Me.”

More coming…

Chapter 5: Narciscuss & Two Weeks in Review

Posted by admin on March 5th, 2010 | 1 Comment »

So in my last post I spoke about how both narcissism and insecurity have been holding me back from truly getting to the next level as an artist.

I thought more about the reasons for why I felt like I needed to do everything (see Chapter 4 for more details) and in thinking about it, I realized that it really does come from a deep rooted desire to be “everyones” favorite (musically speaking that is.)  It’s completely irrational I know, and I feel slightly embarrassed being so transparent about myself in such a public forum as a blog…but it’s the truth.  I believe that my drive to please others by trying (and failing) to appeal to the full gamut of musical tastes (an R&B song here…a jazz etude here, a pop song here etc.) is the result of me feeling like “making it,” is being “everybody’s favorite.”  Of course this is impossible, as well as irrational but, in soul searching a bit as to where that drive came from…this is what I discovered.

This is narcissism at it’s best, and before I drown in the waters of my childish self-absorption, I am calling it quits today.  No more.  I understand that this desire is an unconscious, psychological blunder, humorously made manifest by wanting to musically please everybody so that I don’t have to deal with not being liked by everybody, but no more.  So here’s the truth:

Most people in the world won’t love my music.

Some people in the world, will hate my music

A fraction of people in the world will LOVE my music.

That fraction will like other things as well that are similar to my music.  They will probably enjoy books like “The Fountainhead” or “Catcher in the Rye.”  They will like personal development books by authors like Osho and Tony Robbins as well. They most likely will care about lyrics in addition to “catchy hooks” and have an ear for sometimes unique or obscure melodies.  They will probably like shows like South Park, or shows on HBO like True Blood or Six Feet Under.  Music is probably very important to the people who will take to  my music as it’s not great “Easy Listening” or “background” music.  For the most part (with exceptions of course) my music will appeal mostly to people over the age of 17 and under the age of 45.  I could go on and on, but you get my point. (If you love my music and don’t fit into any of these categories, unless you are my mom or dad, please let me know.)

And this is how it should be.

So no more loosey goosey, flying by the seat of my pants, just-wing-it, try to please everybody mentality.  I am focusing all my efforts now to total musical impeccability, top notch performances and shit loads of intense, near perfectionist practice.

The Past Two Weeks In Review:

Facebook Fans: I started two weeks ago with 268 fans.  I now have 900

Website Views: In the month of February I had a measly 22 views to my website.  In this last week alone I’ve had 70 (not huge numbers yet, but progress is still progress!)

Twitter: I did not record my twitter followers two weeks ago.  Right now I have 205.  We’ll see how much that number goes up in two weeks.

Other: I had no band members two weeks ago…I now found an amazing bass player.

Stay tuned…