I’m Not That Important

Posted by admin on May 25th, 2009 | 2 Comments »

At 10,080 vertical feet sits the ghost town of “Independance.”  Wedged between the high life of Aspen to it’s west and the beautiful town of Twin Lakes to it’s east, “Independance” was an old gold mining town…literally in the middle of the wilderness.  The town was discovered and eventually serviced by the very narrow, now only open about 4-5 months a year cause of the danger of driving it in the snow, “Independance Pass” highway.

This highway stretches well over 60 miles of insanely narrow twists and turns, sometimes without a gaurdrail to prevent you and your vehicle from plumitting thousands of feet below you.  I imagine tht that those who lived in the town of Independance arrived by horse and buggy…and had very little choice but to stay awhile.

Though I moved to Aspen in november to scratch my ski itch and re-evaluate somethings in my life, I have enjoyed exploring some of the unreachable reaches of the Rockies that, because of the spring melt, have now become reachable.  “Independence” is one such place.

As you can see from the above photo, there are still some miners cabins left in the ghost town.  Exploring this town, literally in the middle of the wilderness, and thinking about the people that must have lived here…wondering if familys and kids had to weather the intense mountain winters at such high elevation, it made me think about how much importance I place on myself in my life.

If there is one burden that I seem to be carrying in my life, it is the burden of self importance.  I think it’s natural for all infants to desire, unconscioulsy that the world revolve around them.  They know nothing except their needs in the moment…food, water, love from mother and father, attention, affection, and needing it NOW.  In addition to this, because they are infants, and don’t learn the ways of the world, their equation of love is much different than a healthy adult.  A new born baby, no fault on it’s own, knows love only as being the center of it’s caretakers world.  This, if a child is raised healthily will begin to evolve into a healthier idea of love…but in 99% of humans, myself included, there still remain parts of us that haven’t yet had a chance to evolve.

All the people who lived in Indepence are all dead.  Obviously.  Nobody knows their name, most people in the world, don’t even know that a town like that existed.  The fullness of up to 1,500 peoples lives is embedded in the silence of the mountains, and in the writings of archealogists.  It doesn’t extend beyond that.  And yet, Independence is really a micro-cosm of our world and our lives.

When we are children we fantasize about being super-heros, or sports stars, movie stars or famous singers and dancers.  Some might fantasize about being president, or some kind of political or culteral leader.  As we grow our perversions are circumscribed about being the best in our chosen field of an elementary nature…the best at basketball in our 5th grade class, the president of student counsil in middle school, class president, prom queen etc. These accomplishments, are, like our newborn nature, at the epicenter of our universe.  Fundamental for development yes, but again, signposts for the egotism of our culture and our lives.

No 4 year old child fantasizes about growing up, becoming a successful lawyer in a well-to-do law firm in Indiana, make 250 thousand dollars a year and have a family.  As we grow older, either the neccesities of the world, or our psychological evolution begs us to let go of our fantasies of public success and move more towards the realities of the “real world.”

However, for most, our self-importance plays out in more subtle ways.  Our obsession with celebrities is perhaps the most key way that we are all obessesed with ourselves.  Fame is the biggest culural signpost that we are all terrified of dying.  We actually believe to some degree that famous people don’t die.  Their “legacy” lives on.  We strive to be famous, to leave our mark in whatever way we can because we don’t want to face the fact that ultimately, we are as unimportant as the moss that gross, or the moths that fly into the flame.  On a personal level, as an artist I actually believe that if I “make it” then I will indeed have “made it.”  Beaten God so to speak…I’ll last forever.  But in reality I would only be, on a larger scale, the Friday evening entertainment in one of the three saloons in the small mining town of Independance.

So what’s the point?  If life is empty and I am an equal to the slug that slugs or the hawk that hawks, what’s the point.  Why not just think that “life’s a bitch and then you die so fuck the world and let’s get high?”

Well… because in my experience, when I let go of “myself” so to speak…I serve the “One.”  When I let go of my self importance, and my egotism and need to feel special and be idolized and thought great…I am actually FAR more able to be creative and serve others with the specific gifts that I have to give in the world.  When I forget myself, I am liberated.  As an artist, when I write and I know that the song I am writing is just like a shit I am taking…and as soon as I am done taking that shit, I will move onto the next one…my songs, my performances, my everything is shrouded in the light of true creation…and thus, who I am being int he world is a gift to others…enhances the mystery of their lives, blooms open the world with more of the Love that is the essence of this mystery.   And in this way, emptiness serves me.  Emptiness sets me free from myself and because of emptiness I can truly be my SELF.  And when I am being my SELF, I can make a difference for others.  I can “change the world” so to speak.  Nobody can make a difference if they are doing it from the sole place of being important.  All great leaders lead from a place of already being dead.

And so I do my best to find the most amount of gold in my little mining town of independance.  Regardless of whether I am remembered for it.

“Spiritual” Soliders and “The Will” of God

Posted by admin on May 17th, 2009 | No Comments »

I may be walking a thin line here but I was upset by something that I read this past week regarding a group of Christian extremists called the “Promise Keepers.”

“Jesus warned about ‘wolves in sheep’s clothing’ and false prophets…In this context of false prophets I’d like to examine the Promise Keepers, the name for a modern-day Christian men’s movement.  The founder of the Promise Keepers is [Bill McCartney, who in 1990 was the head football coach at the University of Colorado in Boulder]  He gathers thousands of men at a time, usually in football stadiums and preaches about creating a Christian state.  Borrowing much of his ideology from Rousas Rushdooney, who founded the Reconstructionist movement in 1973, this very strange and right wing version of Christianity teaches that America should be governed by Biblical concepts and that ‘dominion’ has been given over the ‘elect’ to rule the Earth and America in particular.  This society would, among other things, prescribe the death penalty for adultery, witchcraft, blashphemy and homosexuality.  The federal government should occupy itself with national defense, and education and social welfare should be handled by the churches.  Biblical law must replace the secular legal code.” ( 96-97 “The Hidden Spirituality of Men, by Matthew Fox October 2008.)

This passage was taken from a book I am reading by Matthew Fox and in this section Fox is talking about the difference between warriors and soldiers, and the difference between a true warrior and a “false warrior” or a “false prophet.”  To illustrate his notion of false prophets and false warriors, or as Jesus said “wolves in sheep’s clothing” he talks about the Promise Keepers.

It’s interesting because before I read this I had had a number of conversations with different people about religious extremists of the kinds of dangers that lie within any kind of extremism.  My first encounter with religious extremism was when I was involved in a Bible study class in NYC and one of the classes was on forgiveness.  The teacher began the discussion by briefly (about 5 minutes on each major religion besides Christianity) discussing how any follower of any religion, BESIDES Christianity would not fully be capable of forgiving others.  His point was that ONLY with Jesus, because Jesus paid the debt for our original sin, could somebody truly forgive.  I was personally appalled by this discussion, not only because of his disrespect of the other religions (I myself was raised jewish though don’t subscribe to any religion) but more so at both the blindness and the fear that was being purveyed by this person.

Blindness and fear go hand in hand and are not mutually exclusive.  If you are blind, you will follow that which preaches to show you the way in the dark.  This is both hyperbole and cliche but it’s apropo when talking about my experience with Bible study as well as with a movement like the Promise Keepers.  For one thing, I never went back to that Bible study group and for another, perhaps because I was raised in a non religious family…I can’t understand people who can take a book, written thousands of years ago, by HUMAN BEINGS…NONE OF WHOM WERE JESUS…as the literal, undeniable word of God.  It is not a problem for me that people believe this…people are allowed to believe whatever they want to believe…it only becomes a problem for me when it attempts to become enforced…such as the case with the Promise Keepers or with the threat of not having forgiveness in my heart because of the questioning of the Bible.

First off, much of the bible is VAGUE.  It is a book of ALLEGORY and can be interpreted in thousands of different ways…  There are parts of the Bible that are not vague, like the ten commandments, but biblical instructions like you should not lay with a man as you do with a woman, that are taken by groups like the Promise Keepers as a law that would justify killing homosexuals is not only horrifying…but the height of total and utter stupidity.

You should not lay with a man as you lay with a woman could mean any of the following…and more:

-You should understand the differences between men and woman

-You should respect the differences between men and woman

-Sex with men is different than sex with woman

-The qualities of male and female relationships are unique and different

-People 2000 years ago were just as homophobic and intolerant as they are now

The problem with all religious texts lies both in the mistaken literalism of allegory, but more so in the lack of grounding in the people who follow such literalism.  Human error pervades every religious text ever written, but this is not the problem.  The problem is that human error follows human error…or, as Matthew Fox discerns, the difference between “soldiers” and “warriors” is not upheld or understood

A solider follows blindly.  He is taught by his supiorious to be a pawn, a robot so to speak of following orders.  My bible study class was a small microcosm of the seed that grows into intollerance in any context.  Charismatic leaders who are able to position as knowledgable and “chosen” authorities preaching to their budding soldiers about “God’s Will” and then in turn, the soldiers do what they are programed to do…listen and follow blindly.  In the case of my bible study class, it was a nod of understanding and gratitude for their Christianity and thus their ability to forgive, and in the case of the Promise Keepers…it’s follow the leader on a far more extreme and dangerous level.  However, both are breed from the same place.

A warrior as Fox says, makes his own decisions about what’s right and knows full well that the Word of God is heard and felt within one’s heart…, is heard and felt in a different way for everybody, and that any religious text can only point to the truth and never BE the truth.  People are so scared of change, of diversity that they will cling to an acrchaic roadmap as if it is a modern GPS system leading them to the unquestionable truth (there was an estimated 1,000,000 men rallying for the Promise Keepers in Washington in 1997)  The result of course is, as Fox quotes Sinclair Lewis: “Facism will come to America wrapped in a flag and carrying a cross.” (98 of The Hidden Spirituality of Men, Matthew Fox, 2008)