Chapter 5: Narciscuss & Two Weeks in Review

Posted by admin on March 5th, 2010 | 1 Comment »

So in my last post I spoke about how both narcissism and insecurity have been holding me back from truly getting to the next level as an artist.

I thought more about the reasons for why I felt like I needed to do everything (see Chapter 4 for more details) and in thinking about it, I realized that it really does come from a deep rooted desire to be “everyones” favorite (musically speaking that is.)  It’s completely irrational I know, and I feel slightly embarrassed being so transparent about myself in such a public forum as a blog…but it’s the truth.  I believe that my drive to please others by trying (and failing) to appeal to the full gamut of musical tastes (an R&B song here…a jazz etude here, a pop song here etc.) is the result of me feeling like “making it,” is being “everybody’s favorite.”  Of course this is impossible, as well as irrational but, in soul searching a bit as to where that drive came from…this is what I discovered.

This is narcissism at it’s best, and before I drown in the waters of my childish self-absorption, I am calling it quits today.  No more.  I understand that this desire is an unconscious, psychological blunder, humorously made manifest by wanting to musically please everybody so that I don’t have to deal with not being liked by everybody, but no more.  So here’s the truth:

Most people in the world won’t love my music.

Some people in the world, will hate my music

A fraction of people in the world will LOVE my music.

That fraction will like other things as well that are similar to my music.  They will probably enjoy books like “The Fountainhead” or “Catcher in the Rye.”  They will like personal development books by authors like Osho and Tony Robbins as well. They most likely will care about lyrics in addition to “catchy hooks” and have an ear for sometimes unique or obscure melodies.  They will probably like shows like South Park, or shows on HBO like True Blood or Six Feet Under.  Music is probably very important to the people who will take to  my music as it’s not great “Easy Listening” or “background” music.  For the most part (with exceptions of course) my music will appeal mostly to people over the age of 17 and under the age of 45.  I could go on and on, but you get my point. (If you love my music and don’t fit into any of these categories, unless you are my mom or dad, please let me know.)

And this is how it should be.

So no more loosey goosey, flying by the seat of my pants, just-wing-it, try to please everybody mentality.  I am focusing all my efforts now to total musical impeccability, top notch performances and shit loads of intense, near perfectionist practice.

The Past Two Weeks In Review:

Facebook Fans: I started two weeks ago with 268 fans.  I now have 900

Website Views: In the month of February I had a measly 22 views to my website.  In this last week alone I’ve had 70 (not huge numbers yet, but progress is still progress!)

Twitter: I did not record my twitter followers two weeks ago.  Right now I have 205.  We’ll see how much that number goes up in two weeks.

Other: I had no band members two weeks ago…I now found an amazing bass player.

Stay tuned…

Is it Lame To Get Teary Watching “How The Grinch Stole Christmas?”

Posted by admin on December 9th, 2009 | No Comments »

Because I just did.

The old cartoon version that is.

I read a book a while ago by renowned playwright David Mamet called “The Three Uses of the Knife.”  He said something about how the purpose of art is to “inspire cleansing awe.”  That’s not a direct quote, but I remember that phrase, “cleansing awe.”

And I have just been cleansingly awed so to speak by the Grinch and how his tiny heart…three sizes too small, grew three sizes larger with the spirit of christmast.

So what is it about this timeless piece of art that resonates so deeply with people?  I watched it with a five year old and a seven year old and we equally awed by the end…and when I was 7 years old myself I loved it just as much as I do now.

I think it stricks a chord in so many people because I believe we all yearn for deep connection with the infinite well that lies within our heart…and we all, especially new yorkers who are caught so deeply in the hustle and bussle of going and going and going, have a tendancy to be slightly grinchy, slightly closed down in that area of our lives.  And great art…amazing art can blast through our layers of resistance and remind us of something that lies deeper within.  Thats what the Grinch just did to me.  So thank you Dr. Suess and Chuck Jones.