This One’s For The Ladies… (Stay Away From Cosmo Ladies…)

Posted by admin on June 16th, 2009 | No Comments »

At some point during their four years at Middlebury College, statistically, 1 in every 2 women that I went to college with battled with anorexia, bulimia or some other form of eating disorder.  1 in every 2.  ONE in every TWO woman…50% of woman who I went to college with at some point, battled with eating disorders.

Who is to blame for this astoundingly depressing statistic?

Cosmo fucking magazine.  We are all so quick to blame a girls upbringing, her parents, institutions etc for the reasons why somebody might have body issues, but let us also point our fingers also at organizations like Cosmopolitan Magazine:  a magazine that condones self-expression and self-empowerment and instead promotes the efficacy of masking ones true self, true feelings, true emotions and true desires based upon some bastardized and distorted concept of how to be a woman in the world.   The sad thing is that this bastardized Cosmo-concept of womanhood is largely based upon  an equally distorted and ephemeral view of men.  Ladies…, just for the record, Cosmopolitan magazine does NOT know ANYTHING about men.  PLEASE believe me.  Cosmo magazine is the silent perpetrator, the true killer of woman, the devil in disguise…and the scary thing is that 78% of woman in America read their trashy dissertations.

Now, before I delve into some details, don’t get me wrong…everybody has a right to indulge in some trashy entertainment.  Soap operas, sports illustrated, the Bachelor, Playboy, even American idol etc. etc. are all forms of male and female oriented “trashy” entertainment.  However, when a magazine positions itself as an authority on issues of body, sex and relationships…and in turn promotes extremely unhealthy and harmful ways of taking on these areas of life…the organization should be burnt to the ground with all of it’s members safely outside of the building (so nobody gets hurt) but still, forced to watch it burn in flames.

After spending some time perusing their website and reading an issue or two, the general Cosmo-view of how to be a woman in the world is to largely hide your “imperfections” and present yourself in a sellable, pretty package (stick thin and blemish-less) so that you will be able to attract a man.  Men, according to Cosmo are for the most part all liars, only interested in sex, are turned off by your vulnerability and insecurities, aloof, unemotional and have no integrity.  Now, a lot of men ARE indeed like this and these kinds of men, as any self respecting woman knows are not worth anybodies time.  However, not only does Cosmo promote and direct woman in how to “catch” a man like this, but they also promote hiding ones personality in order to appeal to some cosmo-idea of what men actually want.  In addition to this, they don’t seem to understand that there are men out there in the world that have all the qualities of a “mans man” but who can still talk about emotional things and dare I say…welcome your vulnerability and yes, fall more in love with you as you reveal the beauty that you really are…both inside, and outside.

Here is an example…taken from their “advice archives on their website”

My boyfriend has one female friend. They’re really close, they hang out by themselves, he never asks me to join them, and oh, yeah — she’s gorgeous. Is he going to cheat on me with her?

Ah, the age-old question: Can a man be friends with a woman he finds attractive? As a guy with a few hot friends myself, I’ll admit, I’ve definitely thought about fooling around with them. And the hotter the friend, the greater the temptation.

Still, you shouldn’t assume your guy is going to cheat just because he spends time alone with this girl. The fact that he never asks you to join them could just mean that he likes to talk to her about things he couldn’t talk about in front of you — namely, you and your relationship. And assuming the friend isn’t an evil skank, chances are, she has your back in those conversations and advises him on how to make you happy.

But sure, there’s a chance he will be or already has been unfaithful. You just need to trust that he’s not, and in order to do that, you need to get to know the girl. Since your guy isn’t making that happen — that’s an insensitive mistake on his part — suggest that he invite her along next time you’re hanging out in a group setting. Say something like “A bunch of us are going to this bar later on, and you should bring so-and-so — I’d love to meet her.” Don’t put any pressure on him or come across as suspicious. Then, when you see them together, let your woman’s intuition guide you. You’ll know if something’s fishy.”

Anybody see something wrong with this piece of “advice.”

How about instead of planning a big dramatic scenario of secretly spying on how your boyfriend behaves with some female friend of his while you guys all drink together at a bar…you just ASK HIM?  I know it’s a novel concept–open and honest communication, but it is one of the secrets to a happy and healthy relationship…DUH.  However, according to Cosmo, men don’t like it when woman communicate about their feelings.  It’s not “sexy.”  You come off as “pathetic.”  But for some strange reason, you aren’t pathetic when you strategically set up a drama as suggested above????  You aren’t pathetic when you are too much of a coward to simply open your mouth and “ASK.”

Another thing they also forgot to mention… If your boyfriend is spending a ton of time with another woman, talks about your relationship with her and doesn’t want you around the two of them…THAT’S WEIRD and you should ask him about it.  You guys should talk about your relationship, TOGETHER and if he thinks it’s weird, if he can’t handle your honesty, or your insecurities or jealousy…then he is a fucking pussy and you should dump his ass and go find yourself a real man.

To be honest, I could go on and on about the rage I feel towards a magazine like Cosmo.  Sadly, the advice and lifestyle that this magazine promotes turns woman pathetic.  Disembodied.  Unaware of their power within.  Unaware of the existence of great men and refusing to settle for less.  Living from lack as apposed to inner abundance.  This kind of lifestyle is the birth of deep fear, the kind of fear that breeds eating disorders, body image problems, lack of self love and confidence…lack of seeing who you really are.  In short…stay away from Cosmo ladies.

I’m Not That Important

Posted by admin on May 25th, 2009 | 2 Comments »

At 10,080 vertical feet sits the ghost town of “Independance.”  Wedged between the high life of Aspen to it’s west and the beautiful town of Twin Lakes to it’s east, “Independance” was an old gold mining town…literally in the middle of the wilderness.  The town was discovered and eventually serviced by the very narrow, now only open about 4-5 months a year cause of the danger of driving it in the snow, “Independance Pass” highway.

This highway stretches well over 60 miles of insanely narrow twists and turns, sometimes without a gaurdrail to prevent you and your vehicle from plumitting thousands of feet below you.  I imagine tht that those who lived in the town of Independance arrived by horse and buggy…and had very little choice but to stay awhile.

Though I moved to Aspen in november to scratch my ski itch and re-evaluate somethings in my life, I have enjoyed exploring some of the unreachable reaches of the Rockies that, because of the spring melt, have now become reachable.  “Independence” is one such place.

As you can see from the above photo, there are still some miners cabins left in the ghost town.  Exploring this town, literally in the middle of the wilderness, and thinking about the people that must have lived here…wondering if familys and kids had to weather the intense mountain winters at such high elevation, it made me think about how much importance I place on myself in my life.

If there is one burden that I seem to be carrying in my life, it is the burden of self importance.  I think it’s natural for all infants to desire, unconscioulsy that the world revolve around them.  They know nothing except their needs in the moment…food, water, love from mother and father, attention, affection, and needing it NOW.  In addition to this, because they are infants, and don’t learn the ways of the world, their equation of love is much different than a healthy adult.  A new born baby, no fault on it’s own, knows love only as being the center of it’s caretakers world.  This, if a child is raised healthily will begin to evolve into a healthier idea of love…but in 99% of humans, myself included, there still remain parts of us that haven’t yet had a chance to evolve.

All the people who lived in Indepence are all dead.  Obviously.  Nobody knows their name, most people in the world, don’t even know that a town like that existed.  The fullness of up to 1,500 peoples lives is embedded in the silence of the mountains, and in the writings of archealogists.  It doesn’t extend beyond that.  And yet, Independence is really a micro-cosm of our world and our lives.

When we are children we fantasize about being super-heros, or sports stars, movie stars or famous singers and dancers.  Some might fantasize about being president, or some kind of political or culteral leader.  As we grow our perversions are circumscribed about being the best in our chosen field of an elementary nature…the best at basketball in our 5th grade class, the president of student counsil in middle school, class president, prom queen etc. These accomplishments, are, like our newborn nature, at the epicenter of our universe.  Fundamental for development yes, but again, signposts for the egotism of our culture and our lives.

No 4 year old child fantasizes about growing up, becoming a successful lawyer in a well-to-do law firm in Indiana, make 250 thousand dollars a year and have a family.  As we grow older, either the neccesities of the world, or our psychological evolution begs us to let go of our fantasies of public success and move more towards the realities of the “real world.”

However, for most, our self-importance plays out in more subtle ways.  Our obsession with celebrities is perhaps the most key way that we are all obessesed with ourselves.  Fame is the biggest culural signpost that we are all terrified of dying.  We actually believe to some degree that famous people don’t die.  Their “legacy” lives on.  We strive to be famous, to leave our mark in whatever way we can because we don’t want to face the fact that ultimately, we are as unimportant as the moss that gross, or the moths that fly into the flame.  On a personal level, as an artist I actually believe that if I “make it” then I will indeed have “made it.”  Beaten God so to speak…I’ll last forever.  But in reality I would only be, on a larger scale, the Friday evening entertainment in one of the three saloons in the small mining town of Independance.

So what’s the point?  If life is empty and I am an equal to the slug that slugs or the hawk that hawks, what’s the point.  Why not just think that “life’s a bitch and then you die so fuck the world and let’s get high?”

Well… because in my experience, when I let go of “myself” so to speak…I serve the “One.”  When I let go of my self importance, and my egotism and need to feel special and be idolized and thought great…I am actually FAR more able to be creative and serve others with the specific gifts that I have to give in the world.  When I forget myself, I am liberated.  As an artist, when I write and I know that the song I am writing is just like a shit I am taking…and as soon as I am done taking that shit, I will move onto the next one…my songs, my performances, my everything is shrouded in the light of true creation…and thus, who I am being int he world is a gift to others…enhances the mystery of their lives, blooms open the world with more of the Love that is the essence of this mystery.   And in this way, emptiness serves me.  Emptiness sets me free from myself and because of emptiness I can truly be my SELF.  And when I am being my SELF, I can make a difference for others.  I can “change the world” so to speak.  Nobody can make a difference if they are doing it from the sole place of being important.  All great leaders lead from a place of already being dead.

And so I do my best to find the most amount of gold in my little mining town of independance.  Regardless of whether I am remembered for it.