Chapter 8: I Couldn’t Stop Smiling If I Tried

Posted by admin on March 17th, 2010 | 1 Comment »

Before I knew anything about altered scales, how to play Donna Lee, or that Stravinsky was going to become my favorite composer, I knew how to play a couple chords on the guitar. I was 15 years old and my buddy knew how to play the drums. We went into the band room at my high school and “jammed” for the first time in my life.  Then, jamming consisted of me playing the four or five chords that I knew in a-rhythmic cacophony, but still indeed music to my 15 year old ears as this was the first time I’d ever felt “it.” You what what I’m talking about. “It.” When all the hairs stand up on the back of your neck and goosebumps cover your body, when you are flushed red with joy and can’t keep your mouth from smiling because music just does that to you.

Flash forward 10 years and thousands of hours of practice later; jamming has become something totally different. There is knowledge now, what notes sound good with what chords and musical decisions to be made about playing “in” or playing “out.” Unfortunately there are also ego decisions about “showing off,” proving myself to others by showing that I know “this or that set of changes” etc.  These EGO based-decisions have absolutely no place in music and yet they somehow, with the attainment of knowledge crept in the back door to make sure I was doing it “right.”

This is ironic no? When I first picked up the guitar I thought to myself “I can’t wait to be GOOD,” and yet, even though I wasn’t good at all then, the bliss of music was right at my fingertips.  Then, with each hour of practice, the more “good” I became, the more it seemed that “good” escaped me, not because I wasn’t becoming good, if not great…but because my standard of what to expect of myself, but more so, what my EGO said to me was “respectable” in the eyes of others continued to grow and grow.  And this is where the poison lies.

I am now a professional, studied music in college, have put in more than my 10,000 hrs of practice and know how to play and sing the shit out of my instruments, and the truth is that bliss never left my fingertips since that first day of “jamming.”  It was me that left bliss’s side. It was my EGO that forgot what this whole trip is about.

I am remembering now.

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